1. Notes: 6 / 9 months ago 

    Joke #109

    Raj: Sheldon is using psychological warfare. We must reply in kind. I say we wait until he looks at us, then laugh like "Yes, you're a smart and strong competitor, but, we are also smart and strong, and we have a reasonable chance of defeating you!"
    Leonard: How exactly would that laugh go?
    Raj: Eee hee hee hee hee heeeeee!
    Howard: That sounds more like we are a tall thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your dalmations.
  2. Notes: 15 / 11 months ago 

    Joke #108

    Leonard: Sheldon! We have to do this!
    Sheldon: No, we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expell waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep ourselves from dying. Everything else is optional!
  3. Notes: 4 / 11 months ago 

    Joke #107

    Rajesh: Missi, Do you enjoy pyjamas?
    Missi: I guess, yes..
    Rajesh: Well, we Indians invented them. You're welcome.
    Howard: Yeah? Well, Missi! Our People invented circumcision... You're welcome!
  4. Notes: 20 / 11 months ago 

    Joke #106

    Penny: So Sheldon! You and Leonard- a little misunderstanding, huh?
    Sheldon: A little misunderstanding?! Galileo and the pope had a little misunderstanding!
  5. Notes: 13 / 11 months ago 
    "Leonard, please don’t take this the wrong way, but the day you win noble prize is the day I began my research on the drag coefficient of tassels on flying carpets!"
    - ~Sheldon, on Leonard supposedly winning a nobel prize one day.
  6. Notes: 16 / 11 months ago 

    Joke #104

    Leslie: Hello Sheldon!
    Sheldon: Leslie Winkle!
    Leslie: Yeah, Leslie Winkle. The answer to the question 'Who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?'.
    Sheldon: Yes, well, I'm polymerised tree sap. And you're an inorganic adhesive. So, whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction, is reflected off of me, returns in its original trajectory and adheres to you!
    Leslie: "Oh, Ouch!"
  7. Notes: 12 / 11 months ago 
    "You save your apologies for after you’ve had disappointing coitus with Penny."
    - ~Sheldon, to an apologetic Leonard
  8. Notes: 16 / 11 months ago 

    Joke #102

    Howard: Bernadette said you guys are all sick of me talking about my trip to space. Is that true?
    Sheldon: Yes.
    Raj: No.
    Sheldon: We seem to have different approaches here. I was going for helpful honesty. I have no idea what you’re doing.
    Raj: It’s called being nice.
    Sheldon: Okay. If you think being nice will get him to shut up, I'll try it.
  9. Notes: 4 / 1 year ago 
    Joke #101

    Joke #101

     
  10. Notes: 27 / 1 year ago 

    Joke #100

    (To Sheldon, on him throwing fits on not knowing Howard's magic trick's secret)
    Penny: Sheldon, relax. Not knowing is part of the fun!
    Sheldon: (mocking) "Not Knowing is part of the fun." Was that the motto of your community college?!
  11. Notes: 17 / 1 year ago 

    Joke #99

    (About Penny's horrible singing, to Sheldon)
    Leonard: (After, she'd have sung) I would have (had) to say, "You were terrefic. And, I can't wait to hear you sing again!"
    Sheldon: Why?!
    Leonard: Because, its the social protocol. Its what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at!
    Sheldon: I was not aware of that.
    Leonard: Well, now you are.
    Sheldon: Alright. Leonard?
    Leonard: Yes?
    Sheldon: When we played chess earlier, you were terrefic, and I can't wait to play with you again!
  12. Notes: 10 / 1 year ago 
    "I don’t care for perchloroethylene, and I don’t like glycol ether."
    - ~Amy’s famous pun!
  13. Notes: 11 / 1 year ago 

    Joke #97

    Sheldon: What's the sixth noble gas?
    Leonard: Uh... Radon?
    Sheldon: Are you asking me or telling me?
    Leonard: Telling You?
    (Sheldon sternly looks at Leonard)
    Leonard: Telling you.
  14. Notes: 10 / 1 year ago 

    Joke #96

    (When Leonard was looking to be Sheldon's roommate)
    Sheldon: When do you evacuate your bowels?
    Leonard: When I have to.
    Sheldon: When you have to?! I'm sorry I don't rent to hippies.
  15. Notes: 7 / 1 year ago 
    Joke 95

    Joke 95

     
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